


Moonlight Drowns

by sourirs (sourirpourmoi)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Depression, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-28
Updated: 2014-03-28
Packaged: 2018-01-17 08:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1380418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sourirpourmoi/pseuds/sourirs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was with a careful hesitance that Stiles enters the loft.</p><p>To say he was scared was a gross understatement. He was terrified, he could hear his own heart thumping, banging wildly against his chest.</p><p>He didn’t- He couldn’t see it again. It hurt every time.</p><p>Stiles swallows down his fear and steps through the threshold. Derek needed him. He couldn’t back out.</p><p>"I can hear your heart." Derek’s voice is soft. Quiet. Resigned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Moonlight Drowns

**Author's Note:**

> I always had this theory in my mind that Canon Derek self-harmed. This is written out of experience and an attempt to further understand his character.
> 
> I'll carry this on in junction with Habit.

It was with a careful hesitance that Stiles enters the loft.

To say he was scared was a gross understatement. He was terrified, he could hear his own heart thumping, banging wildly against his chest.

He didn’t- He couldn’t see it again. It hurt everytime.

Stiles swallows down his fear and steps through the threshold. Derek needed him. He couldn’t back out.

"I can hear your heart." Derek’s voice is soft. Quiet. Resigned.

Stiles doesn’t waste time pretending like he once had, to joke around. He doesn’t hesitate anymore as he walks over to where Derek was knelt.

The blood-his blood was warm, slick under his knees. He doesn’t gasp anymore.

Stiles barely moves. He just waits. Like everytime. He waits until Derek looks up at him, bright eyes sad and empty, he waits for the small smile Derek tries, in vain, to pull.

He waits for Derek’s cold fingers to put the blade down and reach out desperately for him.

"I can’t. Stiles I- I don’t deserve it. You. I can’t."

Derek never cries. In a cruel way that was worse. He just holds onto Stiles like this is it. This is the last thing keeping him alive.

Stiles can’t lie, it scares him. And his tears fall, unwillingly onto Derek’s t-shirt. He clutches Derek just as tight, reassuring himself.

It scares him. But Derek will never be a burden.

"They always heal. But I can still feel the scars." Derek whispers, turning his head slightly to nuzzle Stiles’ neck.

Inhaling his scent as though it grounds him.

Stiles can’t help the tentative, aching kiss he places on Derek’s forehead.

"One day, Derek. I’m here. Always." He replies, voice shaking with emotion. He was taking this course at school, Stellar Evolution. He can't remember much, never can these days. But he remembers being fascinated. Remembers the raw power in the stars, fighting against their weight. Fighting to stay sane. Stable.

He remembers how they would collapse. Crumble.

And how gorgeous they remained.

Derek brings him closer, pressing their bodies flush against eachother.

Derek doesn’t need to ask Stiles to spend the night. It’s routine. As soon as they let each other go, Stiles picks up the blades and throws them out. Even though Derek could easily use his claws. Force of habit, he supposes.

They barely talk, months of the same preparing him.

It hurts but nothing will stop Stiles from coming everytime he gets a call. Nothing will stop him from cherishing Derek.

Not the pain, not the anguish of loving him. Not Derek’s own angry self-loathing.

It’s only when Derek is asleep soundly in his embrace that Stiles checks his arms.

Unblemished as always. But even though he knows they heal, this is something he has to do. Every night.

He kisses each wrist softly before turning his head to give Derek a last lazy kiss on his chest, above his heart.

"You can," Stiles whispers, though Derek was lost to his dreams. Peaceful for once. "And I promise you, you will."

**Author's Note:**

> As ever, let me know what you think. Here or at sourirs.tumblr.com


End file.
